Day 71 Ruminating And Writing

Rim

She ran beside the island rim, watching as the sea around the land swirled against the sharp, huge rocks. There had to be a vast world beyond the ocean. There had to be where all the boats went and never returned. One day, when she was old enough, she would leave too, and she would know what there was beyond the rocks and the sharks and jellyfish. She would know the meaning of it all.

She couldn’t wait to be off the island.

“Wait up, Nia,” his lil brother shouted after her.

He was always running after her.

She sped up her steps, letting the wind catch her hair.

“Niaaaa,” he shouted after her.

She stopped at the loose rocks and felt them sway under her.

“Why do you have to be like that?” he asked when he caught her.

She said nothing. She just stared at the sea painted purple by the sun.

“Nia?!” he whined.

She turned around, hopping off the rocks that swirled down the deep drop into the rocking waters underneath.

“Let’s go then if I must.”

She was to become a woman. She didn’t want to become a woman. They stopped dreaming of the impossible and birthed babies. That was not what her life was meant for. Her Gran had told her, “Nia, never lose that fire of yours. It will get you all you want.”

She wanted the world.

Door

I’m not able to leave Nia behind. She haunts me, and shifting my focus on an odd door in the basements just doesn’t spark anything in me.

Disneyland

I really wanted to write about Disneyland, but I can’t.

The Prompts are from the book A Year of Creative Writing Prompts.

It has been hard not to write all the prompts and forgive myself when I can’t do them. I don’t know why so many of us are so hard on ourselves. A couple of days ago, I was talking to my young adult client about some issues I have also faced in my past and still feel like I struggle with, and I could be so much more reasonable and sympathetic towards them than I can be to myself. It is so easy to get your inner voice wrong. It is so much easier to be kind to others. I wish there were a trick that would get everything right instantly, but unfortunately, it takes a lot of work to be empathetic and kind towards yourself.

I didn’t edit my book yesterday. It always makes me feel shitty. Luckily, it doesn’t ruin my whole day, but I still feel disappointed. But I guess that comes with all creative work—these cycles of creating and procrastinating. Not to mention self-doubt and questioning the point of it all. Honestly, there doesn’t seem to be a point. I look at my sister, who lives the dream we are meant to want, and it feels so alien to me. She loves it, and I’m happy for her, but it was never my dream. I was wired wrong in the beginning with. Yet, it sometimes feels like I lost Nia back when I was growing up, and I’m now gradually trying to let her shine again.

Thank you for reading about Nia! Have a lovely day full of wonder ❤