This post has no purpose nor meaning. It started me lying on my sofa with my cat, wondering the emptiness I feel without a typed word. Since I finished editing my second book and gave it to beta readers (I got four) to have their way my days have been hollow. I have let the third book occupy my mind, but I have written not a single word down. I have an idea. I have my characters. I have a setting. I have a subject to toy with, but what I lack is the opening scene which usually draws me in. I search and search, but it is lost.
I got the prologue done for my second book. It filled me with joy. But it was a fleeting moment. The numbness is back. What is this? Apathy? Stress? Tiredness? Fear? Why can’t I get anything done? Why does the story hide from me? It was opening the Scrivener every morning that got my days started for years now. This week’s hiatus with only the prologue to entertain is eating me alive. I fear I have lost my words. I fear all I can do is sleep. I fear the silence. But I hope it is just that I need a rest. That I gave so much. A week is nothing, I say. But that is a lie. I hate these idle days. I feel formless. I feel odd. I feel tired. I’m an addict of some sort; hooked on creation; hooked on other worlds.
Now I wonder do I really need that opening scene, or should I just type one word and that is Sigourney. She is back. But what torture I have reserved for the awkward, mute girl. To face the darkness of her past accompanied with a drunk god and Siarl whose love and kindness might not be enough. Can love cure it all?
What should I do? I hate this hiatus. The twilight between the second and third book and the task of producing an audiobook from the first one. I hate the spring sun. While I love nature coming alive, it is the people that bother me. Where is the safety of the dark winter where nothing moves? The time when all that mattered was food and warmth.
I will go back to the couch with my cat. At least, when I lie next to him and listen to his soft purr, my mind is at rest. Maybe while dreaming next to him that scene will come, and discovery can begin.
Thank you for reading! Have a nice day.