There won’t be a short story today. I thought it was more meaningful if I wrote about the current state of publishing my second book and the failures concerning it. If I were to be over-dramatic, I would say that my book is being held hostage by a missing cover artist, the one who did Worth of Luck’s art as well, but that would be unfair towards her to put all the blame for the delay on her. I should have been firmer with the artist and demand her to stay on the schedule and not to disappear all the time. My kindness is my downfall.
I first contacted her at the end of July to inquire if she was willing to do the second book cover as well as she is a fantastic artist, she answered straight away that yes! I was so relieved. But then she disappeared for a month and didn’t answer my emails. (Lesson number one: DON’T let anyone keep you waiting that long with decisions that cost you money and time.) Then when I finally thought I had to find a new artist, and I contacted one, she got back into touch and said that she had moved and there was all this hassle. I believed her as I wanted her to make the cover. (Lesson number two: DON’T get too attached to an idea or person, especially if they are hurtful and unreliable. They are not that good to justify their behavior. No one is!) So, I told the new artist (had only inquired and sent two emails with him) that my cover artist contacted back, and I’ll go with her as I trust her. (What a moron! I mean me.) Then her delays started again, a month missing after signing the contract and paying the first half of the commission. (Lesson number three: read lesson number one!) I contacted her. I told her I was getting anxious as there is a trend going on with necromancer literature, and I want to tap into that. (It was already the end of September!) She got back three days after with three fantastic cover options. I was happy and could breathe once again!
Wait! It doesn’t end there. I picked one of the covers two days later and contacted her about it. And now nothing! No finished cover — no answers to my emails. I’m hanging in limbo, and my book is already delayed a couple of months for me being naive and kind. (Lesson number four: read lesson number two. No one is worth it.) So I have to accept that I have lost the initial investment and have to move on. I contacted another designer two days ago, and I hope it will work out.
But all this time, I have been thinking I have lost my momentum, that it will be too late for my book to enjoy the trend and reach a wider audience. I have this notion that there is the right time for everything, and with products, you want to be in the early trend and not come after the fact. (All my life I have felt as if I have missed the train. The same was with my graduation and job markets and with other things in my life.) I feel like this is it. I’ll give up, and I crawl back under my desk to stop these tears falling for the pain of the uncertain future, and for the thought, I might have to give up my dreams because I messed up. I hate learning these lessons.
I am sad that I seem to have lost my trust and let someone get by all this because of my hopes and dreams. I shouldn’t have gotten attached to the idea and let it go as far as to hurt me and my business. Hurt me getting food on my table and paying my bills. All this has made me unable to form a marketing plan and schedule a release date. Now I might not get it done by the r/Fantasy’s Writer of the Day appearance I booked (December 9th, a day after my birthday) and everything. I hate myself, and I am in fear that the new cover designer, I contacted, will not contact back after I sent the questionnaires he requested, and this is after not hearing again from him for one day. The trust is broken, and it is unfair to move it on to someone else who has done nothing.
I have been a fool, and I hate to be one. I have to find a way to collect myself and keep pursuing what I love, and that is to be able to write and tell stories for the rest of my life. I better start looking for advance reviewers. If anyone of you wants to read my new book in advance, please contact me through the blog’s contact form or via Twitter or through comments or any way you like. That would be super helpful, and you would save my day.
Thank you for reading and being there for me! I’m sorry about this dismal post, but I wanted to write it, so others won’t make the same mistakes I have done. Don’t be too nice; it will cost you in the real world. Have a nice day! You are valuable and deserve to be heard and respected!