I’m trapped here in this house, reminded of my bodily deformity by the constant ache in my back. I cannot escape. I have just the tormenting thoughts that follow me around like a demon who reminds me of my worthlessness. I write to you begging to brighten my day, but I have no you to write—just me and myself as my miserable company.
When I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror, I have withered into this creature of the night. Yet I seek no blood to feel alive. I consume myself with every breath I take. I keep making the demon stronger. I hear it howl at night. No, not from agony, but from the joy of the nightmares it sends on my way.
I know it is a liar and a cheater. I know the demon means no well. Yet I listen to the words it utters to me. They are true. They have to be, or why else am I abandoned like this? It has to be a testimony of my character. That of nothing. That of a fiend deserving no kindness, no love. The demon is right.
I have broken that mirror now. I could not bare to witness the thing I was forming into. I cannot bare to see the demon behind my eyes. There it lays.
Occasionally, the outside world invades mine. I am forced to observe how the cold nights paint the leaves to the colors of the earth. You may see beauty in them. I see my prison. I am bound to here in this location of sorrow. You could release me with one word, one invitation, but that is not to be. So the demon remains.
It is you, you, who did this to me. You let my deformities define me and my worth. You would argue that it is I who let you. I who give power to you and the demon to behave, but that is a lie you are willing to say to release you from any obligations.
I curse you for the misery I feel. Let you know the pain you caused me. Let you be confined in prison I have been sent to, and let me be the one who roams outside. Next time you speak, next time you reach for me, I will let the demon do what it must. I let it tear you apart, and I will embrace the form I have become. It was my kindness that led me here. See how it has burned away. See what remains.
Thank you for reading, and have a beautiful day ❤